Gillette Is Out Of The Game

I've spotted a trend and I intend to exploit it. Make no mistake, this is going to make me a facefucking load of cash. We had the one blade, then the two, now we've got ones that require batteries in order to operate tenuous sounding pieces of technology that produce effects "not visible to the naked eye" (no the clothes look amazing on you, your majesty). While all the corporations are waiting for the others to add the next blade, I have used my incredible intellect to cut straight to the punch. A punch that will land right in the spunk sac of Gillette.

Ladies and gentlemen, or anyone with hair, I give you the......

By combining the ground breaking technologies in cloning, and the recent breakthrough in microscopic transistors I have created not the next generation of razors, but THE razor to end all razors. Everyone knows that the repeated chorus at the end of David Hasslehoff's "Any Kind Of Love At All" lasts for an eternity. By cloning the Hoff at a microscopic level, billions of times, I have created a tiny, almost bacterial army of Hasslehoff's, all genetically programmed to sing the chorus continually, forever. These are then stuck by their feet to a single razor blade.

When the combined force of this much Hoff occurs within the effective field of the two pieces of anti-matter placed either side of the blade, the space-time continuum cannot support this much ballad and collapses to a point of infinite possibilities, sucking the razor blade with it. Bada-bing bada-boom, an infinite bladed razor.

And if this face-bleeding number of blades isn't enough to tackle your rugged action man stubble? Check it out bitch, I put one extra blade on the motherfucker, I got Mr. T to do the maths for you....

Infinity + 1 = biggest number ever foo

Contact email above for orders.
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Disclaimer:
Anti-matter not provided due to constrictions of the laws of physics.
Hasslehoff's may die after several days.
I accept no responsibility if your face is sucked into parallel universes where your stubble grows into your brain.
No refunds.